Grief

Letting go of a colleague

She had amyloidosis, I had no idea what it could do.  From the time of diagnosis, it took less then two years.  At least she got to see her grandson.

It began with her dog.  He died suddenly at the end of summer 2010 and she was so sad.  Everyone thought that she was losing weight because of her grief for her dog.  She loved that dog!

The previous two years she had joked about how her doctor had told her that she was obese.  She joked about it and never did anything about reducing her weight.  Then her dog died and she lost her appetite.  At least that's what I thought!

In December 2010, she told me to web search for her diagnosis which she called amyloidosis.  The Mayo clinic website did not have much to say about it but indicated it could be terminal.  She tried to get a referral from her healthcare provider to go to Mayo for her treatment.  It took about a month for them to agree and then Mayo was not available to meet her until February 6/7, 2011.

I commented to her that she did not look well and that maybe she should go home for the day.  It was Jan. 21, 2011.  She stayed at work.

That weekend, I got a message that she had a stroke.

Chemotherapy....what? why?  is amyloidosis like a cancer?  Why didn't Mayo give her an urgent appointment?  Why didn't her healthcare provider act immediately and start the treatment during December 2010?

Hard to let go of that thought.  Hard to let go.

Personal Legend

Touched by "The Point" and "The Alchemist" today.  The stars are speaking to me and I am back in tune with them.  The choice of silence during the past two weeks was a good one.  I have let myself listen and the world has sent its message and I have heard it.  I know for sure that I am hearing it loud and clear.

My brain had run away from my heart and I have helped it find its way back.  You can go home again to your passion.   You can set your brain back in coherence with your heart.  Think, unlearn, and engage.  Engage back with your passion and your heart's longings.  Unlearn the wrong education - jettison the structure that is meaningless. Become yourself once again.  అ ఆ ఇ ఈ ఉ ఊ ఎ ఏ ఐ ఒ ఓ ఔ అం అః 

Ask me if it is important to you

Is it a good attitude to be silent just because no one thinks it necessary to ask me?  Should I speak up anyway?  Ever had they questions going around in your head and not been able to resolve them?

How do I want to contribute to the dialog?  Or do I?

Unlearning

I have to get out of the habit of too much introspection.  I have to unlearn it.  It is unhealthy for me.  It gets in the way of living.  

Reflecting

Balance the action with reflection.  Reflection is the opportunity to unlearn or learn.  A bad habit may be preventing the action from producing the required outcome.  So no matter how much action you produce, the result is unacceptable.   Reflection gives us the ability to recognize the bad habit, train ourselves to unlearn it, and prepare us for a new habit.

"Cancelling" of a bad habit is done by deleting it.  It can deleted only if it is identified.  The corollary is that denial of the problem makes it hard to solve it.  How can I elaborate upon this theme to make it easier for you to understand?  What do I mean?